4 Lessons Every Girl Without A Father Missed

I never thought I needed a father until a year ago. I would constantly hear stories about girls who were coping with absent fathers and for a long time I couldn’t relate. I never felt like I needed a father because I felt like I was doing pretty fine without one. I have good morals, educated and a good head on my shoulder so what was the point of having a father.

I didn’t start understanding the importance of having a father until I started dating. After failing miserably over and over at choosing a good man, I realized I didn’t know what a good man looked like. Even though I came across a lot of good men growing up, I never saw my mom in a healthy relationship so I didn’t know what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. I knew what it shouldn’t look like, but I didn’t know what qualities to look for.200wl

The biggest impact that not having a father had on me was my strong sense of independence. I never demanded more from a man because I never expected much from my father. I didn’t expect him to protect and provide so I was used to doing for myself. I notice that I subconsciously did this in my relationships.

Now that I’ve learned a little more about what it means for a man to be a real man and what a real man looks like, I can honestly shed some light on some lessons that many of us missed as a girl.

What A Real Man Looks Like

A father is supposed to show you what a real man looks like. He should show you what it looks like for a man to provide, protect and love his family. He should be the head of the home and protect you from all harm. This is important because when you know what a real man looks like, a man that falls short can’t even come in your direction. You can spot the rejects head on.200wDIXM0XE3

Women are always talking about the thrill of having a bad boy and someone to make them feel alive. If you go out looking for a bad boy, that’s exactly what you are going to get, a boy.

Recently, I saw a girl one social media posting her couple pictures and videos and in one of the videos her man was chocking her for fun and grabbing her up. In my mind all I could think was how oblivious this girl was to the signs of trouble. She thought it was all fun and games and joked about how hood he was and all I could think of is how I use to be the same way.200wk

Fortunately, I was never in an abusive relationship, but I use to think that it was cute and silly when a guy was possessive and aggressive. As I matured, I realized that, that type of behavior is a major red flag.

How Precious You Are

A part of self love is knowing your worth and a father’s job is to teach you who you are so a man can’t use it against you. There are too many cases where many women are looking for a man to tell them who they are. They change their hair, put on layers of make up and wear raunchy clothes just for a man to validate them and tell them how sexy or beautiful they are.giphymn

When you know your worth, you won’t need a man to validate you. I use to crave for a man to spoil me with love and attention. I felt like I had to look put together all the time and I tried hard to make him happy until I realized that I had to do that for myself. This is why you have so many women stuck with a man who is not right for them, feeling like they will die without them.

I decided to stay single until I didn’t need a man to tell me how amazing I was. I was amazing because I know I am and that’s not being cocky that’s confidence. Before you expect him to fall in love with you, fall in love with yourself. Everyday I look in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful and amazing I am, even on the rough days. You have to believe in yourself.

How a Women Should Be Treated

Your father is supposed to show you how a man is supposed to treat you. Their aren’t to many guys out there that are true gentlemen’s and most women aren’t making it a requirement to court us and treat us like the queens we are. You have a lot of men out there that are treating queens like peasants.

A man is supposed to open the door for you, be respectful at all times, using his manners, and so on. As a woman, you are suppose to have standards. For instance on reality shows I see so many women say men are going to be men, all men cheat and that it’s okay to let a few things slide now and then. This is absolutely wrong.giphyds

Some women’s standards are so low that they are willing to compromise their sexual desires to have a threesome with a man to make him happy. If you want it as bad as the man does, then that is up to you, but if a man is pressuring you to violate his commitment to you by allowing another woman to have access to any part of your relationship, then he does not value you.

Men to Look Out For

A father is supposed to warn you about what men you should look out for. Most of us miss the red flags of dead beat boys and end up hurting ourselves over and over. Yes I said hurt ourselves because I am a true believer that most of the things that happen to us are a result of our own actions.200wZF262Z61

So if someone hurts you, its because you let them. When we don’t have a father to teach us what to look out for we have nothing else to rely on but wisdom. The experiences that we do have teaches us what mistakes, not to make again.

So to all my fathers out there, be present in your daughter’s lives because we need you more than ever. To the women reading this, share this with your friends, sisters, cousins, daughters and nieces because they can learn a thing or two about some lessons that many of us missed.

10 Comments

  1. I know how you feel! However my dad was IN my life. As a child, I WISHED he’d just walk out on us, because he had emotionally and mentally walked out on already. There were days me and siblings would be hungry, because he it was “too expensive” to buy us food. But yet you’d see him have the money buy things for himself, like a DVD or a big screen tv. Also he was very physically and mentally abusive to my mom. Due to him, my mom has a broken ear drum in her right ear. It took me many years to begin dating. I didn’t start dating until I was 26 and I had my first boyfriend at 30 (pretty much last year). And it doesn’t help that our generation is afraid of “commitment”. *rolls eyes* But yet, not wanting to be alone either. It was until a couple days ago, I had peace with who my dad was and I would NEVER be the daddy’s little that I’ve always wanted to be. Yes I said that. But I can’t and it’s okay. I’m learning how to love myself, I just graduated from mild/moderate teaching program… I’m struggling but I have a greater sense of self & self-respect. And I hope with that I will one day be with a man who loves me for that too. Remember…you have to be love you want to receive. Don’t expect anyone to do that FOR you.

    1. I love this and I can absolutely relate. My mad a lot of bad decisions and now her suffers mentally because of the lifestyle he choose. I didn’t grow up with him and knowing the state he was in, I never wanted to. Right now I decided to stay alone until I feel like I am ready. I want the love for myself to be so strong that a mans love won’t make or break me and I demand more for myself. Thank you for sharing your story 🙏🏽

      1. Oh man…I‘m sorry to hear that. It’s not easy to see your mom going through her pain. Yeah, you’re ABSOLUTELY right! We should spend time on our own to find out what we TRULY deserve. Why thank you! But a BIG thanks to YOU for sharing yours. It feels nice that I’m not alone in the fatherless problem. I’m the only one among my friends that has such a problem.

  2. This struck a chord for me . Not for myself but for my daughter. I never thought of it like that. But she is fiercely independent and single although doesn’t want to be.

  3. Reading your post made my motherly heart cry! I will make my husband read it, to show him what an important job he has, fathering little girls. Well done raising yourself up without a father’s loving presence in your life.

    1. Thank you. I commend men who are present in their children’s lives because we need them. I just wish better for my future children so I am very selective with who I decide to start a future with.

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