I never thought I needed a father until a year ago. I would constantly hear stories about girls who were coping with absent fathers and for a long time I couldn’t relate. I never felt like I needed a father because I felt like I was doing pretty fine without one. I have good morals, educated and a good head on my shoulder so what was the point of having a father.
I didn’t start understanding the importance of having a father until I started dating. After failing miserably over and over at choosing a good man, I realized I didn’t know what a good man looked like. Even though I came across a lot of good men growing up, I never saw my mom in a healthy relationship so I didn’t know what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. I knew what it shouldn’t look like, but I didn’t know what qualities to look for.
The biggest impact that not having a father had on me was my strong sense of independence. I never demanded more from a man because I never expected much from my father. I didn’t expect him to protect and provide so I was used to doing for myself. I notice that I subconsciously did this in my relationships.
Now that I’ve learned a little more about what it means for a man to be a real man and what a real man looks like, I can honestly shed some light on some lessons that many of us missed as a girl.
What A Real Man Looks Like
A father is supposed to show you what a real man looks like. He should show you what it looks like for a man to provide, protect and love his family. He should be the head of the home and protect you from all harm. This is important because when you know what a real man looks like, a man that falls short can’t even come in your direction. You can spot the rejects head on.
Women are always talking about the thrill of having a bad boy and someone to make them feel alive. If you go out looking for a bad boy, that’s exactly what you are going to get, a boy.
Recently, I saw a girl one social media posting her couple pictures and videos and in one of the videos her man was chocking her for fun and grabbing her up. In my mind all I could think was how oblivious this girl was to the signs of trouble. She thought it was all fun and games and joked about how hood he was and all I could think of is how I use to be the same way.
Fortunately, I was never in an abusive relationship, but I use to think that it was cute and silly when a guy was possessive and aggressive. As I matured, I realized that, that type of behavior is a major red flag.
How Precious You Are
A part of self love is knowing your worth and a father’s job is to teach you who you are so a man can’t use it against you. There are too many cases where many women are looking for a man to tell them who they are. They change their hair, put on layers of make up and wear raunchy clothes just for a man to validate them and tell them how sexy or beautiful they are.
When you know your worth, you won’t need a man to validate you. I use to crave for a man to spoil me with love and attention. I felt like I had to look put together all the time and I tried hard to make him happy until I realized that I had to do that for myself. This is why you have so many women stuck with a man who is not right for them, feeling like they will die without them.
I decided to stay single until I didn’t need a man to tell me how amazing I was. I was amazing because I know I am and that’s not being cocky that’s confidence. Before you expect him to fall in love with you, fall in love with yourself. Everyday I look in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful and amazing I am, even on the rough days. You have to believe in yourself.
How a Women Should Be Treated
Your father is supposed to show you how a man is supposed to treat you. Their aren’t to many guys out there that are true gentlemen’s and most women aren’t making it a requirement to court us and treat us like the queens we are. You have a lot of men out there that are treating queens like peasants.
A man is supposed to open the door for you, be respectful at all times, using his manners, and so on. As a woman, you are suppose to have standards. For instance on reality shows I see so many women say men are going to be men, all men cheat and that it’s okay to let a few things slide now and then. This is absolutely wrong.
Some women’s standards are so low that they are willing to compromise their sexual desires to have a threesome with a man to make him happy. If you want it as bad as the man does, then that is up to you, but if a man is pressuring you to violate his commitment to you by allowing another woman to have access to any part of your relationship, then he does not value you.
Men to Look Out For
A father is supposed to warn you about what men you should look out for. Most of us miss the red flags of dead beat boys and end up hurting ourselves over and over. Yes I said hurt ourselves because I am a true believer that most of the things that happen to us are a result of our own actions.
So if someone hurts you, its because you let them. When we don’t have a father to teach us what to look out for we have nothing else to rely on but wisdom. The experiences that we do have teaches us what mistakes, not to make again.
So to all my fathers out there, be present in your daughter’s lives because we need you more than ever. To the women reading this, share this with your friends, sisters, cousins, daughters and nieces because they can learn a thing or two about some lessons that many of us missed.