Saturday Inspiration: Beating Anxiety

Last night I reached my breaking point.

I am three weeks from graduating and it seems like everything is going wrong. Most students are nervous about graduating but, I am dreading each an every day here.

I’ve always noticed that anxiety always comes back when my stress levels are high and they have been higher than normal lately. I am doing research papers, preparing for finals, trying to rub two nickels together to get through the week and worst of all I feel alone.

I am away from people who I know care about me and it gets hard sometimes. The thing that stresses me out the most is not knowing who to trust.

When I woke up this morning I came across this YouTube video that lifted my spirit. This young lady’s story inspired me to keep going.

If you are going through depression or anxiety I think you should watch this video because it really helped me.

When it seems as if everything is wrong, sometimes you have to remind yourself who you are. It is none of your business what people think of you but, what truly matters is what you think about yourself.

 

The Real Reason Why Ladies Only Want Guy Friends

We all know that one girl that we can not stand.

The girl that sleeps with everyone’s man. The girl who is super loud in the morning for no reason. The girl who thinks she’s “all that” because she is Instagram famous when we all know she bought her followers. Or the girl that is always mad for no reason.

Well you know what, that girl is not the problem. Yes, I said it she is not the problem and here is why.

In society women are taught to hate one another from the times they are born. We are taught to compete with one another to be the best.

I use to be that girl who hated other girls because, I believed that other girls were the problem. A few days ago I came to the conclusion that I am a part of the problem. For me to hate another woman because of her faults would make me a hypocrite. We all have been that girl that we hate at one point in our  lives.

Someone once told me that we hate people because, we see something in them that we hate about ourselves. We complain that we can’t stand it when girls are shady then, brag when we throw shade as if we have that right. Everyone has looked at someone at-least one time in their life and mentally judged something about them. Shade has no gender, anyone can do that.

We have to change our minds and learn to love one another despite our flaws. We all have flaws and when we hate someone, we have to look in the mirror and ask ourselves why. Even though we are taught to compete with one another we can reverse that. Stop giving in to the ways of society and be yourself.

There is only one you. When you are yourself, you don’t have time to put other woman down because, you are in your own lane. When you stay in you own lane you understand your value and encourage other woman because you understand that they are not a threat.

Thank YOU

Today I wanted to acknowledge anyone who has ever read or supported my blog.

I started my blog four years ago and I am happy to see how much it has grown over the years. Thank you all for your feedback and allowing me to be a voice for those who have struggled with the same issues I have faced. Dealing with issues from anxiety, depression, heartbreak and broken friendships, I was able to share my experiences with you and share how I got through it.

When I first created this blog it was called Words of the Unspoken which was designed to help me find my voice during a time when I was going through a lot. With Mocha Mag I plan to grow as a writer and reach more people.

Today, I discovered that I have reached 1000 followers and I had to let you all know that I couldn’t do it without you. In the future I plan to put out more content, time and energy into the success of this blog.I hope all of you are having an amazing day and look out for more content coming soon. If you every have any topic or experience you would like me to share in this blog don’t hesitate to ask.

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Making It through the Darkest Hour

The darkest hour has a way of exposing your pain.

The darkest hour knows how to make you look him in his face. The darkest hour separates the weak from the strong because he will either make you strong or tear you apart.

I made it past the darkest hour because I’m here today and so did you. But the funny thing about the darkest hour is that when you think you’ve met him sometimes he come back stronger and with a vengeance.

When you meet him again you have to be strong. We often find ourselves caving our pain inside and taking on the world with an artificial confidence. In order to be prepared for the darkest hour we have to let go of the pain from the past because healing builds strength. When you are able to walk away from a closed door with closure then you will be equipped to face whatever is in store in the next door.

When you have a better outlook on life it’s easier to get past challenges because you know that pain comes and go. With wisdom you can approach any obstacle with a warrior mentality. The warrior mentality is the mentality that you can conquer any obstacle that comes your way.

When the darkest hour comes know that an hour is only a spec in time and you can get through it.

4 Signs That Things Will Never Be The Same

There are times in life when we meet people that come along to make life better. Then there are times when people come along in our lives to make things worse. Yes, I have fallen a victim to the game, but I have been hurt enough to know how to make sure it never happens again. We need to stop fighting for relationships that have failed over and over again just to be stuck back where we started. I use to think that when you are with someone you are supposed to fight to keep them, but with maturity I have learned that you have to know what is worth fighting for. Some things are not just worth the fight so if you have been off and on with your sweetheart, I will let you know the signs you need to look out for so you can run as far as you can while you got the chance.

  1. NO COMMUNICATION

Okay, now I know that we all have busy lives, but if there is no communication then you are not a priority. I have heard almost every excuse in the book in past relationships: I am going through a lot, I don’t want to be hurt again, and I worked overtime. Sometimes these things are true, but if these excuses are used often then you are clearly not a priority for them. When you first met them it was all about you, but after getting comfortable their attention has wandered elsewhere. I am not saying be clingy, that is a turn off. If a week has gone by and your partner has been MIA then you need to reevaluate why you are wasting your time.

  1. EX WON’T GO AWAY

Now most people have at least one crazy ex unless you’re just that good at picking them. If your partner is still in contact with their ex then this is a red flag. There are rare cases when their ex may be cool with the both of you or may genuinely respect your relationship, but if this is not the case then you may want to back away before things get messy. Never believe someone when they tell you that they can’t help it. If their ex still has access to communicate with them then the person clearly is not against it. I know because if I have an ex that continues to contact me in a while I’m in a new relationship I don’t hesitate to block them on any and everything I can block them from.

  1. OUTSIDERS BECOME BETWEEN YOU

When I say outsiders, I mean anyone who isn’t you and that person. Even though you love your mother and grandma, they should never be able to have enough information to tell you how to handle your relationship. The same goes for your friends, if your friends are around your age nine out of ten they’re probably having the same issues as you are. We often judge others’ lives with bias so be careful who you spill the tea too. So if your partner has been acting strange for no reason make sure his/her mother or best friend isn’t the mastermind behind the confusion.

  1. THEY START UNESSECARY ARGUMENTS

This is one of the biggest cries of help in a relationship. If your partner is looking for any reason to create conflict between you there is a chance that he/she is looking for a reason to leave. When things get to this point your best bet is to let them be free. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out where you went wrong because you probably did nothing. Some people are facing internal battles that are beyond your control and even though you want to be there for them through it, some battles we have to fight on our own.

5 Things We Wish We Were Taught Growing Up

  1. Independence:

This is one of the biggest issues that I’ve noticed as a college student among my peers. A lot of people become followers because they have no sense of direction. They’ve been sheltered and told what to do, their whole lives that they are more vulnerable to become followers. I had my first job at the age of 12 so I’ve always knew how to hold my own, but I realized that a lot of young adults struggle to stand alone. Teens must be taught how to own their individuality and have a strong sense of who they are. Nothing bothers me more to see a young adult with a high school mentality.

  1. Financial Stability:

When I first went away to college, I struggled budgeting my money. I found myself spending my money on things that I did not need. When I got a job while I was in college the issue became worst. I thought that it would be easier to budget if I had more money, but I had less money because I convinced myself that I needed things that I didn’t. Then when it came time for me to file my taxes I was lost. I was use to my mother doing all my paperwork that I didn’t even know where to start.

  1. Mental Awareness:

When I left for college I struggled with anxiety and stress because it was difficult for me to deal with the new environment. I was never homesick, but the stress of managing classes, fighting insecurities and dealing with friendships was enough for me to mentally shut down. Growing up we don’t realize how easy we have it until we leave the nest. Instead of trying to keep us in the nest I wish parents taught us how to survive outside of the nest mentally. I wish someone told me that every challenge is not the end of the world, but an obstacle that comes along to make you stronger.

  1. Confidence:

Confidence is something I had to build along the years, but not enough parents teach their children to love themselves. Neglecting this issue is like throwing your child out to the wolves and leaving them to fend for themselves. With media being a major influence on the development of children we have to plant a seed in their minds to give them a sense of direction. The media tell children that they must be a size two or have curves to die for, but what are you telling your child? We should be taught who we are when we are young, so we don’t have to find ourselves when we get older. I love when I see viral videos of parents making their child stand in the mirror and telling themselves how beautiful and valuable they are. Self-love starts when we are young because kids are like sponges.

  1. Be Original:

Growing up I wanted the latest brands and products to make myself feel important. We all begged our parents for the coolest trends just to go to school and look like everyone else. I wish I was taught that those things does not define me. I wish I would have focused more on building my character than I did focusing on getting things that I can’t afford to impress people who I may never even see again. I wish I was taught to love myself without those labels and stand firm and be confident in my own skin.

Standing Alone

Over the years I’ve learned that sometimes it is better to stand alone. Their are times when we crave companionship and relations, but at what cost are we willing to pay for it? Time and time, again I’ve found myself surrounded by  people who do not contribute anything positive to my life around me.

In the past I talked to people for the sake of being bored or feeling alone until I realized that I felt lonelier around people who did not fulfill any purpose. Often times I may come off as reserved because I am very selective with who I allow into my life, but you can’t be afraid to expect more from people.

A friend of mine once told me that he stopped caring when people treated him bad because he stop expecting much from people but this can be a bad thing. Lowering your expectations, limits your quality of life. Imagine how life would be if everyone who you allowed was on your team?

We will never experience this true satisfaction if we are not cautious of who we allow in our inner circle. Some people use people for what they need and keep it moving. For instance, in high school, I had friends that served different purposed. This is not a terrible thing but how would you feel if someone only wanted to be your friend to fulfill one thing.

What if someone hung out with you when their other friends were not available. I never did this exactly, but I’ve been in situations where I was that friend that tagged along so someone wouldn’t be alone. This is the worst time of friendship because it showed that you are not valued for who you are.

One red flag that someone is not your friend is if you have never had a serious or deep conversation with them or if you feel uncomfortable sharing your life with them. Life is to short too hold on to people that has no value in your life.

When I was at work yesterday I noticed that a few ladies around my age where socializing on on their lunch break when I walked in. I consider myself selectively social so I stood back and observed their behavior. I noticed that they were very unapproachable and closed off to others who were outside of the group. I didn’t take it personal because observing people’s behavior is my way of dissecting who someone truly is.

When they were alone and outside of the group I noticed that they were more open to get to know me and took the initiative to reach out which disturbed me a little. It bothered me how much people are willing to do to feel socially validated.

When they were together no one had any interest in getting to know who I was or anyone else when they validated one another but, when they were alone, their approach changed. When they approached me individually when I had to work with them, I did not value their company because I didn’t see it as genuine.

I am not telling you to shut the world out, but know the difference between someone who is there to fill up time and someone who will not just fill that time but, help you elevate. Until you recognize who those people are don’t be afraid to stand alone.