Last night I reached my breaking point.
I am three weeks from graduating and it seems like everything is going wrong. Most students are nervous about graduating but, I am dreading each an every day here.
I’ve always noticed that anxiety always comes back when my stress levels are high and they have been higher than normal lately. I am doing research papers, preparing for finals, trying to rub two nickels together to get through the week and worst of all I feel alone.
I am away from people who I know care about me and it gets hard sometimes. The thing that stresses me out the most is not knowing who to trust.
When I woke up this morning I came across this YouTube video that lifted my spirit. This young lady’s story inspired me to keep going.
If you are going through depression or anxiety I think you should watch this video because it really helped me.
When it seems as if everything is wrong, sometimes you have to remind yourself who you are. It is none of your business what people think of you but, what truly matters is what you think about yourself.
We all know that one girl that we can not stand.
The girl that sleeps with everyone’s man. The girl who is super loud in the morning for no reason. The girl who thinks she’s “all that” because she is Instagram famous when we all know she bought her followers. Or the girl that is always mad for no reason.
Well you know what, that girl is not the problem. Yes, I said it she is not the problem and here is why.
In society women are taught to hate one another from the times they are born. We are taught to compete with one another to be the best.
I use to be that girl who hated other girls because, I believed that other girls were the problem. A few days ago I came to the conclusion that I am a part of the problem. For me to hate another woman because of her faults would make me a hypocrite. We all have been that girl that we hate at one point in our lives.
Someone once told me that we hate people because, we see something in them that we hate about ourselves. We complain that we can’t stand it when girls are shady then, brag when we throw shade as if we have that right. Everyone has looked at someone at-least one time in their life and mentally judged something about them. Shade has no gender, anyone can do that.
We have to change our minds and learn to love one another despite our flaws. We all have flaws and when we hate someone, we have to look in the mirror and ask ourselves why. Even though we are taught to compete with one another we can reverse that. Stop giving in to the ways of society and be yourself.
There is only one you. When you are yourself, you don’t have time to put other woman down because, you are in your own lane. When you stay in you own lane you understand your value and encourage other woman because you understand that they are not a threat.
The darkest hour has a way of exposing your pain.
The darkest hour knows how to make you look him in his face. The darkest hour separates the weak from the strong because he will either make you strong or tear you apart.
I made it past the darkest hour because I’m here today and so did you. But the funny thing about the darkest hour is that when you think you’ve met him sometimes he come back stronger and with a vengeance.
When you meet him again you have to be strong. We often find ourselves caving our pain inside and taking on the world with an artificial confidence. In order to be prepared for the darkest hour we have to let go of the pain from the past because healing builds strength. When you are able to walk away from a closed door with closure then you will be equipped to face whatever is in store in the next door.
When you have a better outlook on life it’s easier to get past challenges because you know that pain comes and go. With wisdom you can approach any obstacle with a warrior mentality. The warrior mentality is the mentality that you can conquer any obstacle that comes your way.
When the darkest hour comes know that an hour is only a spec in time and you can get through it.
When I tell you that I was happy yesterday, trust me I was happy.
I wasn’t happy because of any circumstance, but I chose to be happy. This brings me to what I would like to discuss today; I would like to discuss forgiveness.
At times when we are hurt we dwell on things that have happened to us in our past and we replay these images in our mind. For the past 5 years I have been struggling with anxiety and yesterday I decided to let go.
The reason why I couldn’t let go of anxiety for so long was because I was holding to my past to the point where I was beginning to lose hope of my future. I constantly replayed clips in my mind of those who have hurt me and these thoughts were draining out all of my power.
Today I am here to tell you that whatever it is that is bringing you down, let it go. Last night I prayed and forgave those who have hurt me until I felt inner peace. For years I wanted them to see my pain and hoped that they would feel bad for what they have done to me, but they were busy continuing their lives.
When we give people that power over us we are telling ourselves that we are not worthy of joy. No one can steal your joy from you once you find it in your heart. I have committed myself to thank God every day for what he has done for me.
Yesterday I choose to let go; I didn’t let go for those who have hurt me but for myself. I decided to let go of the pain, anxiety, fear and be strong. I am not strong because of what I have been though; I am strong because I decided not to let the pain hold me back.
I know every day isn’t going to be daisies and sunshine but I am determined to lift my spirit despite what I face. Yesterday I said no to negativity; Every time I think a negative thought I re-evaluate myself and ask God to give me a clean heart. Today I decide to choose to forgive and let your soul free.
When it seems as if everything is going wrong it may be hard to be positive. As I face disappointment after disappointment there are days when I feel weary. I pray, try to treat others the way I want to be treated and humble myself but some days I feel broken. I look at the things that I am still struggling with and wonder how come I haven’t got past this struggle.
I have committed myself to change but, it seems as if some things just haven’t changed yet. I look in the mirror in the morning with fear, hope, and expectancy; sometimes I look in the mirror after a long day with shame and discouragement.
This was becoming a daily routine for me day after day for the past few weeks.
I am proud of the fact that I decided to take the measures to make change in my life but, there was still something holding me back.
Although, I gave up my negative ways I was still stuck in the same struggles from it. The problem wasn’t the people who hurt me in my life; the problem was within me. The negative thoughts that I gave energy to was becoming my reality.
I was living a make believe world life in my mind that affected my actions in real life. When I took off the lens of my make believe world I saw that the problems that I saw where never there to begin with. I failed to see all of the positive people that actually where there the whole time and the things that God had blessed me with all along.
I may not be where I want to be but I have come a long way from where I started. Whenever you feel that all of the odds are against you I dare you to take a moment to really think about the things that are. If you are reading this you are already blessed because that means that you made it to see another day. Acknowledge the good things in your life and be blessed.