I Wasn’t One of Them

I never thought that it would affect me.

When I first came to Buffalo, NY, I would vaguely hear about its history of division and discrimination.

Most of my peers on campus were from the New York City area so I never felt like I was far away from home. Even though cases of discrimination goes on in Long Island, people are a little more liberal, so I never felt threatened by anyone from another race.

One day I learned that being a minority in Buffalo has its adversity. I applied for a retail position at the Galleria Mall and I was excited because, I was confident that I would get the job.

I ironed by best attire and headed to the interview with high hopes. I prayed before I walked into the store and noticed that there was a lady who appeared to be the manager waiting by the registrar.

She walked me to the office so we could start the interview.  She started asking me questions about school and telling me about her experience working in New York City and the cool people she met. It was kind of weird that she talked about herself a lot but, I didn’t mind.

Then she started to get a little more personal. She began to ask me about my family. I was hesitant to answer but, I answered the questions anyways.

“Do you have a father?”

“What about a mom?”

“Did you all grow up together?”

“Why wasn’t your father around?”

At this point I grew uncomfortable so I tried to change the subject. I asked her if she wanted to see my resume so I could talk more about my credential but, she declined my offer.

She said that she wanted to know more about me. She then asked me if I had an internship. When I told her no she suggested that I focus on that rather than apply for the job. A part of me thought that she was genuinely concerned until she started talking comparing her life decisions to mine bragging about her days working in New York and what she accomplished in the past.

At this point I knew that this interview was a disaster and I was sure that I would not get the job. A part of me wanted to tell her that I thought that she was out of line and that her questions were unprofessional but, I stuck it out.

She started asking me questions about when the store was founded and how it began. I felt ashamed that I didn’t know the answer until I realized that she didn’t know the answer either. She pulled up the company’s website and read the answers to her questions off of the computer screen.

After a long 20 minutes of being interrogated she told me that she didn’t think that I was a good fit for the company. I walked out of the interview feeling inferior and did not make eye contact with the employees whose eyes were glued to me when I walked out.

I knew deep down I wasn’t going to get the job from the moment I stepped into the store because I didn’t see anyone who looked like me. I stuck through it and hoped for the best despite my intuition.

Maybe I can be the one that adds diversity here. Maybe I can be that person who can close that gap, I thought to myself but, the reality is, we have a long way to go. I was qualified for the job, I talked well, and I was prepared but, that wasn’t enough.

I wasn’t one of them.

If you ever experience employment discrimination of any kind you can contact the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission for more information.

To share your story you can contact me on Facebook or Twitter.

Saturday Inspiration: Beating Anxiety

Last night I reached my breaking point.

I am three weeks from graduating and it seems like everything is going wrong. Most students are nervous about graduating but, I am dreading each an every day here.

I’ve always noticed that anxiety always comes back when my stress levels are high and they have been higher than normal lately. I am doing research papers, preparing for finals, trying to rub two nickels together to get through the week and worst of all I feel alone.

I am away from people who I know care about me and it gets hard sometimes. The thing that stresses me out the most is not knowing who to trust.

When I woke up this morning I came across this YouTube video that lifted my spirit. This young lady’s story inspired me to keep going.

If you are going through depression or anxiety I think you should watch this video because it really helped me.

When it seems as if everything is wrong, sometimes you have to remind yourself who you are. It is none of your business what people think of you but, what truly matters is what you think about yourself.

 

The Real Reason Why Ladies Only Want Guy Friends

We all know that one girl that we can not stand.

The girl that sleeps with everyone’s man. The girl who is super loud in the morning for no reason. The girl who thinks she’s “all that” because she is Instagram famous when we all know she bought her followers. Or the girl that is always mad for no reason.

Well you know what, that girl is not the problem. Yes, I said it she is not the problem and here is why.

In society women are taught to hate one another from the times they are born. We are taught to compete with one another to be the best.

I use to be that girl who hated other girls because, I believed that other girls were the problem. A few days ago I came to the conclusion that I am a part of the problem. For me to hate another woman because of her faults would make me a hypocrite. We all have been that girl that we hate at one point in our  lives.

Someone once told me that we hate people because, we see something in them that we hate about ourselves. We complain that we can’t stand it when girls are shady then, brag when we throw shade as if we have that right. Everyone has looked at someone at-least one time in their life and mentally judged something about them. Shade has no gender, anyone can do that.

We have to change our minds and learn to love one another despite our flaws. We all have flaws and when we hate someone, we have to look in the mirror and ask ourselves why. Even though we are taught to compete with one another we can reverse that. Stop giving in to the ways of society and be yourself.

There is only one you. When you are yourself, you don’t have time to put other woman down because, you are in your own lane. When you stay in you own lane you understand your value and encourage other woman because you understand that they are not a threat.

Thank YOU

Today I wanted to acknowledge anyone who has ever read or supported my blog.

I started my blog four years ago and I am happy to see how much it has grown over the years. Thank you all for your feedback and allowing me to be a voice for those who have struggled with the same issues I have faced. Dealing with issues from anxiety, depression, heartbreak and broken friendships, I was able to share my experiences with you and share how I got through it.

When I first created this blog it was called Words of the Unspoken which was designed to help me find my voice during a time when I was going through a lot. With Mocha Mag I plan to grow as a writer and reach more people.

Today, I discovered that I have reached 1000 followers and I had to let you all know that I couldn’t do it without you. In the future I plan to put out more content, time and energy into the success of this blog.I hope all of you are having an amazing day and look out for more content coming soon. If you every have any topic or experience you would like me to share in this blog don’t hesitate to ask.

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Making It through the Darkest Hour

The darkest hour has a way of exposing your pain.

The darkest hour knows how to make you look him in his face. The darkest hour separates the weak from the strong because he will either make you strong or tear you apart.

I made it past the darkest hour because I’m here today and so did you. But the funny thing about the darkest hour is that when you think you’ve met him sometimes he come back stronger and with a vengeance.

When you meet him again you have to be strong. We often find ourselves caving our pain inside and taking on the world with an artificial confidence. In order to be prepared for the darkest hour we have to let go of the pain from the past because healing builds strength. When you are able to walk away from a closed door with closure then you will be equipped to face whatever is in store in the next door.

When you have a better outlook on life it’s easier to get past challenges because you know that pain comes and go. With wisdom you can approach any obstacle with a warrior mentality. The warrior mentality is the mentality that you can conquer any obstacle that comes your way.

When the darkest hour comes know that an hour is only a spec in time and you can get through it.

The Essence of A Woman

Do you appreciate the essence of a woman?

The essence of a woman is strong and can’t be moved. Every woman has an inner essence. The essence of a woman is filled with love and compassion, not the rock that she may wear. The essence of a woman is what causes a man to open doors or lend a jacket to protect her from the midnight’s chill. A woman’s essence is like a river of milk and honey, sweet and pure. Let me tell you about a time where I was introduced to the essence of a woman.

One day I was introduced to a radiant young woman whose essence was so pure. I’ve known her for years before, but this was the first time that I was introduced to her essence. I sat next to her as she gazed at the night. The moon smiled at her face as if it was soothing her tears. She couldn’t see her radiance but I did. Her heart was so heavy that not even the night’s breeze could carry the weight of her pain. I was there to lend a shoulder, but not even one’s presence could cure her loneliness. Have you ever been there? She told me that she was broken and a part of me believed her. Her energy began to drain me because her pain was too heavy. Something told me that it wasn’t over for her so I spoke life to her. Then I discovered that the moon wasn’t soothing her tears. The moon was showing me her beauty. Her soul was beautiful and exposed mine. I realized that I was once where she was and I was reunited with the old me. Through her eyes she showed me the person that I use to be. The person that I am today says goodbye.

I embrace my worth and I thank God for renewing my mind, body and spirit. Your struggle in not your conclusion, it is your strength. God builds you up in the dark not to hurt you, but to teach you that you are the light. The light that we seek is within us through God’s grace. The essence of a woman is God’s light. This young woman taught me that I am the essence of a woman.

Starting the Next Chapter

 What is it to feel?

 Not flesh or materialist things but to feel someone’s spirit. In tune with their soul you crave their presence. Lately I have been doing a lot of soul searching and I have realized that I have a lot of work to do.

 Today I made a huge decision that will determine the turning point of my life. I choose not to let go of someone who means a lot to me. I am not sure if I made the right decision but, I listened to my heart.

 I looked for advice from various people and I realized that the ultimate decision was up to me. I learned just because you think someone cares about you that do not mean that they know what is best for you.

 Over the years I have lost people in my life that have made a large impact in my life due to my pride but, this time it is different. My heart is telling me to give up so I will and I am ready to live.