Summer time is around the corner and cuffing season is official dead.
It’s time to let your hair down and have some fun in the sun girl.
Okay, I must admit I am joking a little but, on a more serious note, are you jumping in and out of relationships that you are not ready for?
Are you looking at relationship goals on social media and wondering why you can’t seem to find the right one?
I use to look at other people’s relationship goals and feel like I was missing out too until someone told me that they us to look up to my old relationship as relationship goals. My relationship was far from relationship goals even though others might have thought I was happy, deep down I was miserable.
You never know what people are going through in their relationships so the worst thing to do is compare your love life to other people’s cookie cutter narrative. People show you what they want you to see.
How many people on your newsfeeds do you see post pictures of how they look as soon as they wake up before they brush their teeth or apply their make up? Not too many right?
This is the same philosophy that you need to have when it comes to these cookie cutter manufactured relationships that you see online. Most of them are fake and the ones that are real suffer because they put their lives out there for the world to judge and dictate.
So now that we are back to reality let’s talk about why you should stay single.
If Your Self Esteem Is Low
If you do not love the reflection that you see when you look into the mirror, stay single.
I am sorry to break it to you but, no one has time to make up for the love that you don’t have for yourself. This is draining and time consuming for anyone that you are with.
I am guilty of this and trust me when I tell you it is self sabotaging. I dated this guy for a few months when I was at a low place in my life. The trauma and stress affected how I took care of myself and I didn’t feel as attractive as I normally did.
I started dating the guy with the intentions to take my mind off of stress and I depened on him for emotional and physical validation.
I wore more makeup than usual and went above and beyond to keep his attention. He would make remarks about my weight and compare me to slimmer women on television. It came to a point were I knew that I need to separate myself from him and focus on loving myself.
Once I left him, I was able to build that confidence in myself and move on. When ever you don’t feel like you are your best self, that is your time to be alone. When you build yourself, you put the power in your hands. If you need a man to tell you how beautiful you are then you need to stay alone. No one wants to be with and insecure woman or man.
If You Are Broke
A lot of people may hate me on this one but, yes, you should stay single if you are broke.
If you want to date someone that is up to you but, if you want to have a serious relationship, it helps to have your life together. In a relationship you should have something to bring to the table and if not then you become the leach in the relationship.
Ladies this does not mean take care of your man. If your man can’t bring anything to the table then he shouldn’t be your man. You want to be with someone that you can build with. Key word “with” not alone. Some men like taking care of women and if you are in to that then do your thing but, it is always good to have something to fall back on. God forbid that person leaves you, you want to make sure that you will be able to make it without them.
If a man pursues you without his finances in check then that can be a red flag that he is irresponsible. I am not saying that you have to go for the baller but, you need someone who has there priorities straight.
Once I dated a guy who didn’t have a job and that was the worst thing that I could have ever done. He constantly made excuses why he couldn’t get a job and lacked ambition. This brought me down because I spent my time and money and helping him get his life together and all he did was feel sorry for himself. I ended up suffering in the end because I wasn’t able to do much for myself.
The whole ride or die chick philosophy of taking a man when he has nothing is a cop out. There is a difference between standing by your man when times get hard and taking a man that has nothing to offer you.
If You Get Jealous Easily
If you know that you get angry or irritated easily at the simples sight of someone from the opposite sex being in your partners presence then you should stay single. You have to understand that your partner will encounter the opposite sex on a daily basic so you have to learn how to let some things go.
If your man is clearly flirting or showing obvious signs of infidelity then that is a fair reason to get suspicious. If he isn’t pursuing another woman than you shouldn’t worry about it. If a beautiful woman walks by, you cant be so quick to assume that your man is interested.
Lately there has been a trend of social media glorifying the jealous girlfriend. People say things like if she not jealous then she doesn’t care or if he’s not crazy and possessive over you then he doesn’t care. Now I am not saying that a jealous girlfriend doesn’t care but, since when he jealously ever been a healthy trait to have.
According to Bing Definitions:
Jealousy: feeling or showing suspicion of someone’s unfaithfulness in a relationship
Being suspicious of your partners shows a lack of trust and if you can’t trust someone then you should not be with them. I always tell people that love is never enough in relationships. You need commitment, loyalty, trust, respect and love in order for a relationship to work.
If You Are Not Ready To Stick To One Person
If you are not ready to settle down, stay single. There are too many people rushing into relationships who feel like they never got a chance to really enjoy the single life. If you feel like you missed out on living the single life then go live it. Don’t try to hold someone hostage expecting them to wait around until you are ready. If that person is meant for you, you will have another opportunity to pursue them in the future if its meant to be.
The whole holding someone down thing until your ready is one of the most selfish things that you can do to someone. I dated a guy that use to always ask me to hold him down. I did until I realized that he was basically keeping me around but, at a distance far enough so that he could have me around when he is ready. Do not fall for this. By doing this you are only cheating yourself out of being with someone that is fully ready for you.
If you are with someone and find that urge to cheat, leave. It causes more damage when you are dishonest to someone. It is better to be honest and let that person that you are not ready. You can not have your cake and eat it to and don’t end up someone’s leftovers either. No one is never really in a rush to eat their leftovers. The sit it in the back of the refrigerator until they crave it. You do not want to be someone’s left overs.
So if you fall under any of the four categories then stay single. Being in a relationship is a team effort so if you or your potential partner isn’t ready, you will only set yourself up for failure.