Yesterday I realized something was seriously wrong with me. My professor showed us a film he edited about the Holocaust. In the film, there was a scene where the Nazi officer pulled out his gun to kill a Jewish family. The family fell to their knees and begged for mercy and shot each of them but the little girl. While he slowly loaded the gun the little girl the little girl ran and he watched her for a moment then lifted his gun to shoot.
He eventually shot her and the first thing that came to mind was why it took so long for him to just shoot her. After catching myself in this sick thought I realized how much I have come numb to within the past few months. This has been my roughest semester yet and I have one more semester to go.
Lately I have been angry and stressed too often I come to the conclusion that something needs to change. My rage has become so bad that I get angry when someone looks at me for too long because I don’t have time to unwind and take a break from the challenges that I face in life. I lost my spark in the midst of stress and became a person that is not myself.
This is supposed to be the best year of my life because I am a few months away from getting my degree but it has been a complete nightmare. Today I am choosing to take back my joy. I need to make the best out of my situation. My first step is to follow my dreams. I hate my job so I am going to do something about it. I will put effort into finding one that makes me happy while I follow my dreams. Never settle somewhere where you are not happy. I will remain where I am until a better opportunity presents itself.
Then I am going to speak up. There are a few people in my life that I allow to do things that I am not in agreement with and I let it slide. I always distance, myself but this is not healthy. In order to see changes in your life you have to demand them. Avoiding the problem only pushes it back until you are ready to deal with it and you shouldn’t have to deal with it at all.
Finally I am going to be more optimistic. This will be the biggest challenge, but I am too young to not enjoy life. I am young enough to take risks and have time to correct them. I want to live life to the fullest and the more we push our happiness back we will never see it. For example when you are in middle school you love it your first year and your last year you think high school will be better. When you get to high school you think life will be better in college. When you’re in college you think life will be better when you graduate.
No matter where you are in life you have to power to create your own happiness. Tomorrow I will make the best out of my day at work and I will be positive despite my obstacles. I will update you guys on my progress and remember when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired things will start to change around you.